That's intense
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
