Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize