mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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