Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
