he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
