My boss' voice literally gives me gas
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize