I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize