No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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