You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I have already put on my inside pants.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
