As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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