My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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