tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
