Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
