apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
