Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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