Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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