I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
