also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize