It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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