Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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