Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
