Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
