She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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