you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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