Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
