I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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