How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
