you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
