some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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