And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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