I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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