if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
