I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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