dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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