Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
