were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
don't judge my taste in strippers
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
