ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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