I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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