You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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