She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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