I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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