Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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