i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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