you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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