i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
