i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
your like the ambassador to my penis.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
