I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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