the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
