i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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