just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
