Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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