My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
