I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
