i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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