i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
high people should be assigned attendants
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
