thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So many bounce houses so little time
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
