YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
