Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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