I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
