who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
