Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
