if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
this will be a night to untag.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
