Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
