Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
