Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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