i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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