I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
