You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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